This blog was made by 4 college girls and all we wanted was to anonymously post the most embarrassing, traumatic, and hilarious stories that we've collected over our past 4 years. If it helps, you can think of it as a girlier and more practical (no Astrolube stories here) Tucker Max & co.
1. He says he owns a yacht to get your number. Then he calls all night to get you to come see his 'yacht'. You need to run away as fast as you can...or better yet be satisfied on dry land.
2. He attends a fraternity party in a speedo where you are impressed by his jewels...and after you hook up, you find crumpled up, sweaty, kleenex all over your room.
3. He insists on taking you back to his place and it's a mansion, but soon into the touching & feeling, you hear a knock on the door...from his mother.
This is a real message sent over Facebook to an ex-boyfriend, please read and enjoy. So, laugh with us if you've done it before, judge us if you received this message (or something like it), but please don't repeat our mistakes...except the copy and pasting of Beyonce's Irreplacable lyrics.
im tired of texting you so im just veysheurng it! im sorry of texign you and apologzing for when u drunk text y9u, so i deltetd you from my phone b/c i still dont htink were frisdn nd i hate embarrassing myself/enhanicing your ego. so just fyi you can cll me if you want to be frineds.. it wa sa hahaha tonight b/c rach took my phoens nad i dont even know. this is my last facebook message too because im defriending you so i cna t do ths anywamore. b/c tomm youre gonna be like what a drunk btich shes so retarded and wants me and i dotn and thats no twaht i want it to be.. were friends and im sorry this happened. im constantly embrrasing myself bc thats what happens wne im drunk and i know you hate drunk girls and are gonna think im a big joke with your friends tomm... fuck that. you used to like me and i liked you then too, but now im just humiitsntgng mysef. so im done, b/c this is nt rineds. im a joke to you.
i rginks i might die tonigh ts b/c im too drunk so iun the eevnet i do, you were my frist love and i appreciate you fro that and respect that youve moved on b/c i have too so dont worry avout it and make me the biggesg fucking joke you want, b/c i know thats all i am, hopefukly, one day till sall change. biut today the cab dricers thinks im jenna jameson athe porn star with paris hiltorn. except i didnt g to jail. woohoo free dirnsk wfrom who knws1111111111111
PS= LASTS NGDIHT! i qwas so scared, so so scared, and you were cocky and those i wanted s.E.X. I DIDNTS! WE WERE JUS SO sacared! and i just wanted someone to protect me (as my FRIEDNS.) from the man outside, stop thinking i wnstyou, this is my last ocntecact veve,. r i hate embrarssing and you hating me like this, i want to be yroeu friend and you hate me and think im a big fucking joke. im not nad ill find a new guy. frined. whatecver.'
I will have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
So our apartment decided to plan a "game night". One roommate even went out and bought a brand new game of Cranium for all of us. Attendance was great with at least 20 people packed into our little three bedroom apartment. The game was going great, until our friend's boyfriend lost...and then we were literally in a scene from Twister only with small game pieces flying around us. First, he proceeded to kick his drink over, tried to punch is frat brother (yo, bro), kicked a large dent in our grocery cart (yes, we had a grocery cart), and dented our wall. I believe this was all because he could guess what song his teammate was humming...proof that CRANIUM RUINS LIVES.
There is a video submission for the new Cranium commercials...do you think we'd have a chance?
Our blonde friend attends a "CRUSH" event where we invite two gentlemen to join us (and our sloppy sorority) for a night on the town. She had one too many 'gimlets' and she proceeds to get into a fight with our school's drunk 6'3' college basketball star outside the bathroom. In her defense she was trying to break up a fight between him and the equally as large black bouncer. "GET THIS GIRL THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I HIT HER."
This the same friend who lied to her date (which was set-up by us) that she was an "avid white water rafter" to have more in common with him after a lonnggg facebook stalking session.
Morning after a different birthday, one friend (still drunk) comes in to cuddle with another friend and scares the boy in her bed so much that...he pees himself...a lot....and then explains that it happens "sometimes". Sounds like 'sometimes' too many...
Well, when you go to a place called the Dancing Crab, some people, like us, actually expect to go home with an actual crab... Celebrating one of our birthday's in style at the Malt Shop and then woke up with a live blue crab in the bathtub, floating with a baby carrot...they eat those, right?
